just life

So, we get to this age where we begin to question ourselves
What is the point in being here?
To be honest, I still can't answer my own question,
a life without a true vision in what I want to do with my life because I know I'll end up in the inevitable circle of working in an office probably, maybe get married in a few year, end up with one or two kids, or none?
As I am not the creator of this world, like those sims games where I can do anything to anyone in my game, here, I can't predict my own future, and all I can do is do well in uni then life goes on I guess, and I'll see where it takes me in my life

cyn :)

Nothing much

Hello blog
Nearly a year since the last post so probably just updating since life is so boring..
Literally not doing much these days it's the last year for me in high school and after being 18 and yes, legal ;) the most exciting day has came and gone and now I have nothing to look forward to except dreading that one day ill be a college student doing her studies in a new environment and university where no one would spoon feed me information and my little life of being in a sheltered garden would be gone for good.
Feeling rather depressed to post this midway a uni interview in Wales, nothing sounds better than bunking a couple days off school then I'll be going to Edinburg for the weekend. Yes, I'm going to 2 contrasting locations of uk, well technically wales can't be considered uk and Scotland.. Well let's not go there..
Now chilling in the hotel room alone with a 6 inch subway stuffed with meatball and cheese with BBQ sauce mmm gonna get pretty fat in this 3 day trip since I already had a beautiful fat greasy burger from my favorite fastfood joint, burger King and a full fat white hot chocolate topped with marshmallows.. Goodbye my diet and semi flat stomach 👎🙈
Well arrived cardiff and the place is rather interesting in the sense of people speaking in a different accent but very polite and some not english directions (total illiterate in welsh so thank god for translations in the bottom of the signs)
And got lost on the way to see the uni.. Great much in the end I went sightseeing instead and just not exactly fond of the area but thanks to that I get to delegate my time tmr to finish my beautiful eng essay for prep 👏
Super tiring today just can't wait to be back to school where the showers aren't weak and I could see my lovely difkhead which I love so much
Goodnight, cya when I'm not a lazy shit

The lazy bitch,

Cynthia x

Hiatus

Hellooooo
Since I haven't posted in like a year, thought I might as well write about life this how hectic these few months are...! Breaking up isn't as easy as I thought it might have been, there's always this stage where everyone's been there and done that, but I never thought it'll be as miserable as I have felt.
I guess you just realise what is precious when you lose it, and I've learnt that the hard way.
TBH, the hardest is getting over someone when that person is lightyears ahead already and completely over you, the worse part is when you realised you've been used for like a couple months previous to the actual 'clean break' then that's what hurts and no shit, it hurts a hell lot.

However, this little flower has found another love, although I might not be in love with him I do hope good things will come between us :) he is absolutely a gem to keep and is SUPER sweet!! Perhaps he is the key for me to give up, and move on and in the long run who knows maybe this relationship would lead to bigger and better things in life, but after the previous experience I've learnt to be rather pessimistic about the future, so let me just be happy in the present for now :)

Therefore, although I've spent my first valentines alone in UK, at least I've learnt something, and from that it would allow me to grow from thy weakling self to someone who is...just less weak and defenceless... :) and who knows..maybe someday I'll find that special someone and I'll be happily married, the end. (If life was that easy :/) Really need to get over myself sometimes, hopefully good things come to those who wait~


The depressed but happy pilgrim,

Cx

FML

There's something bothering me for these few months, and I thought I'll share it

Just want to get one thing straight..my life sucks.

It' s been practically a year since I've uploaded a blog, and since I'm probably heading the spiral of depression, why not make one before I turn insane.
Every year, I don't feel especially happy, there are factors such as stress, or school or even relationship problem which often weighs down my mood.
The worse part is, I ACT like I don't mind! It seems the longer I've been in the UK, the more stress I've received, ie, shit like friends, peer pressure etc etc, I guess I idea to belong is so significant that I haven't realised that I've lost my self individuality.
I began to dress to fit in, speak like them to fit in, the simple idea to fit in just consumed myself, that I've became a cold hearted bitch who honestly does not give a flying fuck about others.
I honestly don't know whether I should still be together with the guy I'm with or just break up. I guess I have
I became a vain, crude, horrible person ever since I came, and I actually feel happy when someone is this problem with guys, I just really ant their attention, therefore I act "slutty", I dress "slutty", and behave in a certain manner which would get their attention. worse than me, or when I made my boyfriend cry or feel depressed, the sense of satisfaction overwhelms me and I've simply ignored the desire to emphasise with people's problems, I see they are there, but I ignore it.
I've lost my sense of happiness, and I lead people on, to those who appear or are interested in me, it was all my fault.
It's my final term as being a year 11 and I felt I haven't accomplished anything, I feel as if my grades aren't good enough-not that they were good to begin with, but it was rather decent.
I feel like I'm beginning to show signs of depression, and I have constant mood swings, perhaps I'm just so sad that my body just excretes endorphin, I honestly don't know.
By reading this thing I've just written in a flourish, I can see I'm a self destructing sad case, and who gives, YOLO right :/
The irony is that this term, the person who gave me happiness isn't the guy I'm dating, or guy that I halfheartedly texted-which I still don't see the problem, but its actually the people which I have ignored for the past few months, honestly I don't know what to do now.
I guess I'm not smart enough to understand.

The dumb dumb.
C x

HALF TERM

my last term of being in year 10 :)

actually, no..my last repeated year of being in year 10:)

^That is just sad.. i wanna cry coz i practically repeated a year all together including from hk to aus, then aus to uk :( i mean FML?! srly?! who wants school repeatedly coursing through their lives?

anyways.. its exams soon, fking GCSE, theres maths (FAIL), then bio (FAIL), then chemistry (FAIL), then physics (FAIL), history (FAIL), and then theres chinese (INSTANT FAIL) this is DEPRESSING, not only will i just fail all my exams and have to do retakes, BUT ALSO FAILING A CHINESE EXAM WHEN IM FKING CHINKY CHINESE!!!
yeah, and also stereotypical chinese knows maths, WHY THE EFF AM I FAILING?!
fine, not failing, but passing miserably with a occasional low B to a high C..

this is AWFUL 

THEREFORE, MORE STUDY TIME FOR CYNTHIA!!! :(

<-- MY DEDICATED MATHS STUFF :/

for this dedication that Cynthia is studying for once, we shall say a prayer:

Dear Lord, may we hope that this young, beautiful and smart girl, Cynthia would study well and not get distracted by her surroundings, may she pass all her exams and do the best in her abilities, AMEN.

HAHA, lol XD

ANYWAYS, today, my homestay lady took me and my friend to this chinese restaurant.

I had tomato sauce pork chop with rice, i was def expecting some type of pork chop steak like thing where you are meant to cut it up..BUT..instead i received this..

<---this just...resembled..sweet and sour pork?!

but..it taste nice (even though it was basically tomato sauce fried pork bits)

and the rice was like egg fried rice :) which was nice :)

OH, and the lemon tea :) VITA~

the best asian lemon tea in a carton 

BEST CHINESE INVENTION..:)

I ONLY HAVE 4 DAYS TIL HALF TERM ENDS AND MY EXAM WEEK BEGINS.....GOODBYE LIFE, GOODBYE HAPPINESS, HELLO HELL AND SADNESS :(

wish me luck :( 

The unfortunate chinese soul of north yorkshire :( x

Aftermath of VALENTINE'S DAYY

SO...How's valentine's day?? (or single awarness day/ forever alone day)- Generally, whatever floats your boat!
Valentine's day was awesome, giving the fact it was a day where i got to finally dine in a japanese cuisine :) x
But still, overall, it was a great (romantic?) dayy
Anyways, it all started off with a phobia of turning of the lights,thanks to my cowardly self in watching "Woman in Black", coz Daniel Radcliff was in it, BTW, he's soo much hotter than he was in "Harry Potter",
anyways, watched "Woman in Black" in the 13th of February, and was VERY creepy :(, tho i got a ton of kisses  during the film xx :) but yeah, generally, i just have a phobia with lamps, the dark, dolls, trains, windows, shadows, children and just abandoned houses thanks to the movie, which i watched like 1/3 if the film and paid like 5 pounds to get in -.-
A total waste of money, its also the last day of the holidays tomorrow :( back to school again :/ which pretty much sucks coz it'll mean a stupid pile of homework, an early alarm, bad signal, itchy uniform,chapel, and crappy dinners :/
Seriously, the school practically LIVES of potatoes, i mean, I LOVE POTATOES, but chips EVERYDAY??! thats a BIT too much :/
Totally tired and exhausted already even though its like 1 pm here atm, and deffo hungry as hell :|
But technically, just really not up for schools :|
I feel rly bad for myself this halfterm, i've spent over 100 pounds JUST on food and travelling to the town on the course of 9 days :|
like, i didnt even buy a SHIRT of godsake, all the jack wills stuff this year was pretty crap, and its too cold to buy a bikini :/
BUT, on the bright side, it was snowing just before school ended, NOW ITS NOT SNOWINGG!!!
Haven't packed and im like leaving for school in 3 hours :/
goodbye, my beautiful internet :/ i'll miss YOU :(
P.S, i got a new USB, its 16 GB SONY, but its rly tiny :/ and i also finally started on my home ec prep! :)
A countdown of school in 5 hours :/

UM.......

So, WOO, first blog of the YEAR, probs the last one of the month. LOL XD
anywayss, so random people of the net, hows life??
i dunno about u all, but IM starving like MAD, i eat like 3 bags of crisps per DAY 0.0
yeah, kinda depressed
THANK GOD my skins not rly breaking out :/
then again, englands like too cold for perspiration and shit like that..

<----- LOL, a glimpse at my week load of glutinous behavior :/
No worries,im like 6 stones so its chill :D















Anyways, it was exeat (weekend holiday) yesterday, its was soo awesome, until today, which was obviously school -.-
I bought a wallet, and a......thong, which is slightly, um, awkward :/
i got the thong from H&M
it was on sale, like a pound , so dont blame me :/
yeah...
but, the wallet was from accesorize and it was like 15 pounds, which is like....alright/cheap?

<--So heres like the supposedly cheap thong and wallet
SEE,its not too bad? o.o
HAHA, i got both of them yesterday, and i also ate nando's, it..was alright, actually to me, it was like, alright, a chicken burger
a FRICKING SPICY chicken burger, when it was PLAIN -.-
but it was nice :) and with a coke, and a serving of chips, it was quite nice :) just under 10 pounds :)

 My burger, sorry for the face, its my god-brother, being daft, and no, Sharna, he's NOT my "ex"

LOL, so on the last day of exeat, my friend and i encountered a rly cheap 1 pound shop, like most of the things are literally ONE POUND, and we were like HOLY MOTHERF*****!!! 0.0
yeah, we were pretty intense in the shop, scavenging through...like weird Chinese tourists :/
Thenn, i saw this little bell, its like "ring for SEX" haha XD, and no i didnt buy it, but still, and its 1 pound btw!

<---this is me after the entire exeat, notice my horrible bags and super tiredness
i look pretty horrible, and a absolute mess :/
i sleep at 4am every morning :( its depressing :( BUT FUN :)
yeah, i also dyed my hair brown in early jan, the roots are finally coming out!:)
i obviously dislike my hair pretty much now, gonna dye it back when i get back in hk......









soo, now im back to school :( but..on the plus side, it was like snowing last week, now its not :) YAYY!! :) LEGIT THRILLED :) PLEASEE NO MORE SNOW

                                                                                   

  Some random pics of snow from my school in eng last year :/ it was pretty.....for like 5 minutes until u got snowballed by guys, NOT FUN AND PAINFUL

yeah, thats it...
the pics took hours to upload :/
dont u hate it when the internet service is so shit??
ooh, its nearly 12 AM
off to bed,
NIGHTTT xxxxx

the asian pilgrim of england XD