FML

There's something bothering me for these few months, and I thought I'll share it

Just want to get one thing straight..my life sucks.

It' s been practically a year since I've uploaded a blog, and since I'm probably heading the spiral of depression, why not make one before I turn insane.
Every year, I don't feel especially happy, there are factors such as stress, or school or even relationship problem which often weighs down my mood.
The worse part is, I ACT like I don't mind! It seems the longer I've been in the UK, the more stress I've received, ie, shit like friends, peer pressure etc etc, I guess I idea to belong is so significant that I haven't realised that I've lost my self individuality.
I began to dress to fit in, speak like them to fit in, the simple idea to fit in just consumed myself, that I've became a cold hearted bitch who honestly does not give a flying fuck about others.
I honestly don't know whether I should still be together with the guy I'm with or just break up. I guess I have
I became a vain, crude, horrible person ever since I came, and I actually feel happy when someone is this problem with guys, I just really ant their attention, therefore I act "slutty", I dress "slutty", and behave in a certain manner which would get their attention. worse than me, or when I made my boyfriend cry or feel depressed, the sense of satisfaction overwhelms me and I've simply ignored the desire to emphasise with people's problems, I see they are there, but I ignore it.
I've lost my sense of happiness, and I lead people on, to those who appear or are interested in me, it was all my fault.
It's my final term as being a year 11 and I felt I haven't accomplished anything, I feel as if my grades aren't good enough-not that they were good to begin with, but it was rather decent.
I feel like I'm beginning to show signs of depression, and I have constant mood swings, perhaps I'm just so sad that my body just excretes endorphin, I honestly don't know.
By reading this thing I've just written in a flourish, I can see I'm a self destructing sad case, and who gives, YOLO right :/
The irony is that this term, the person who gave me happiness isn't the guy I'm dating, or guy that I halfheartedly texted-which I still don't see the problem, but its actually the people which I have ignored for the past few months, honestly I don't know what to do now.
I guess I'm not smart enough to understand.

The dumb dumb.
C x